This is only going to be in English.
Saw a film today that made me wonder how much we really sugarcoat our own lives to ourselves. We might be open and free from the worst societal inhibitions, and still constantly lie to ourselves. Things we might do or like that we wish we didn't, thoughts we have that we hope we would never get.
I know I am like that. I may not exactly lie to myself, but God only knows how many things there are in my head that I wish weren't there. And I think it would be a really good idea to some day let them out. By this I of course mean just owning up to them, not doing anything bad...
A lot of people think I'm way too open. I don't have a problem discussing my transplant, my sexuality, my mother's death or well, anything like that. But it doesn't make me an open book. Sometimes I feel it makes me a liar. Like I am always an act, and never really who I really am. And then sometimes I'm not even sure who I am in the first place.
Rarely though, do I think about something as existential as this, and to be honest, I don't like it too much. Most of the time I am quite happy and content being a liar to myself, just as long as I'm being nice to others.
And then comes a bad movie along that screws up all that comfort and happiness. Just for a short while though.
Do you ever have problems with the things you think about? Horrible regrets or thoughts you wish you didn't have? Secrets and confessions?
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